So you’ve decided to get pregnant. You and your partner have planned just the right time to have a baby. You’re trying to get pregnant, but a few months have gone by, and you’re not getting pregnant. Suddenly, all of your friends and family members are becoming pregnant. You’re happy for them, but all you can really think about is “I want to be pregnant!”
As you wonder, “why can’t I get pregnant?” you must realize there are many causes of infertility. Regardless of the cause, and particularly with unexplained infertility, it is important to understand the effects of infertility on your emotions and all of your relationships, including your spouse, friends, families, and even co-workers. Even those people closest to you may not be able to offer the support you need, and may even inadvertently make ignorant statements that are offensive and hurtful.
You may hear things like “just relax” or “try this herbal remedy”. People even offer advice about which sex positions will make pregnancy most likely! They won’t understand when you decline the invitation to their baby shower, or aren’t the first one showing up at the hospital after their baby is born. Every time you turn on the television, somebody is pregnant. Having fertility problems is just so painful.
And as if that’s not enough, your doctor will have ideas for how to conceive. Many of these treatment options include medications and hormones, which wreak havoc on you, both physically and emotionally. Your spouse and you are feeling the stress, and you’re fighting all the time. Just when you need each other most, you’re pushing each other away.
But there is hope. Hope that you will succeed in getting pregnant, hope that you and your partner can be there for each other, and hope that your friends and family can offer support. You must learn to speak up, and find your voice. Tell people what you need from them, what is helpful, and what is hurtful. Let them know how difficult it is to struggle with infertility issues, and thank them when they are there for you.
And know, always know, that there are many ways to build a family. This is true now more than ever. Whether you take Clomid, do IUI, or IVF…whether you use donor eggs, donor sperm or a surrogate…whether you decide to pursue adoption as an option…never give up hope. Follow your heart, and somehow, someway, it will lead you along a path to parenthood.